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Latest #Hackgate shock resignation
BREAKING NEWS.
It’s just come to light that a sleeping policeman is the latest to throw in the towel.
The lump of Tarmac from a road in Tunbridge Wells made the shock announcement after lying down on the job with some of last month’s Sunday tabloid papers that were often embedded in the gutter at the kerbside.
The Sleeping Policeman who had been in service since 1993 admitted “cosying up” with the discarded papers for 18 years as they flirted with dog poo, cigarette ends and general household refuse that had mysteriously been removed from nearby neighbourhood wheely bins.
A spokesman for the local road safety partnership declined to comment. -
Oh no, not today, of all days!
So it’s #SummerSolstice. The longest day. Just our luck that it falls on a Tuesday. If there was ever a naff day for the longest day to fall on, it had to be a Tuesday. I’ve checked my research on this. Apparently, work disagreements and domestic disharmony are far more likely to happen on Tuesdays than any other day, as it is the day when the UK is, collectively, in a national bad mood. As a result, Tuesdays are also the worst day for sealing business deals, embarking on new professional enterprises or asking someone out on a date – and top it all – this one is the longest one ever. Thanks a lot Mother Nature.
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@LadyGaga has new powers! World governments need not panic.
Lady Gaga has toppled Oprah Winfrey as the world’s most powerful celebrity.
Only because she’s topped the new Forbes list of celebs and they’ve done that because of her 32 million facebook fans and ten million twitter followers..
Well, I’ve decided to see how she’s using these new powers of responsibility and influence – because as we all know, ‘with great power, comes great responsibility’… shall we have a look at some of her tweets?
My Song HAIR from my album is dropping on the Itunes Countdown in 12 minutes! Monsters lets trend…
Running to interviews but just heard The Edge of Glory entered #3 on Billboard Hot100. Thankusomuch!
I’m going sleepies now. Brooklyn Moon shining above. Have rehearsal 2moro for Saturday Night Live. May even have a dreamy co-star. Guesses?
I think it’s safe to say, there won’t be a world revolution happening anytime soon
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Kids get lost in geography lessons.
Kids in the U.K. are getting dimmer if you believe today’s papers. Some think Stonehenge is in Egypt while others reckon The Angel of the North is a star. And one in 10 struggle to point out the UK on a map. Still it’s not all bad. This automatically gives them green cards to become residents of the U.S.A
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Former President strings sentence together
The massive news this morning is that Osama Bin Laden is dead. Could it be possible there is even bigger news to come from this? Former President George W Bush has described it a, “Momentous achievement” This too is a momentous achievement. The fact that Bush has been able to string together the words, ‘momentous’ and ‘achievement’ I for one, never saw that coming.
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Lady Blah Blah
I heard, ‘Judas’, the latest song from Lady Gaga this week. Yet another unremarkable song off the Gaga conveyor belt.
I say it’s unremarkable, but what it really is, is just simple, ordinary pop music, which I find is no different to the production values the ‘London Boys’ churned out a couple of decades ago.
Go on YouTube and listen to anything that they dispensed back in the day then have a listen to the stuff from the ‘Lady’ that the music, gossip and showbiz sectors of the media hold in such high esteem.
For me the music doesn’t sit right because of all the inane imaging that surrounds her.
Sure, if she was someone like Kate Bush with a weird and unique voice and sound, then yes, I could live with all the hype and quirky news stories, but as it stands, all it serves to be is a mere distraction from her unremarkable pop.
If she wants to look unusual, then great, I applaud her publicists, but please, don’t try and convince us there is something unusual about the music.
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So long, Sony.
Sad news today. The former chairman of Sony, Norio Ohga - the genius who developed the Compact Disc and also the Playstation has died aged 81.
To view his biography, press ‘Menu’ or the ‘triangle’ button
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Adele. Well done. Almost
Adele’s album, 21, has become one of the fastest- selling releases in chart history after selling 2 million copies in 87 days.
Her next album needs to be called 48. That’s the amount of days it took Robson and Jerome’s debut album to sell 2 million copies back in 1995.
Still. It’s a great achievement for Adele. She needs to celebrate.
I think she should have more cake.
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Why the Daily Mail is here on this Earth to save us from ourselves.
In their health section today, there’s an article for the ladies which will make you want to sit up and take notice.
“Is your handbag going to give you arthritis – a slipped disc and bad knees?”
Yes ladies, the paper has come to your rescue reporting how a bag stuffed with your mobile phone, umbrella, diary, make-up bag, book and water bottle must easily add up to half a stone in weight and now, studies are showing half of women are suffering pain from carrying their handbags.
There’s even a helpful write-up on how it affects your neck, shoulders, back and arms as well as your hips and legs and what tell-tale signs you need to watch out for.
Clearly it’s reaching epidemic proportions. Men too are at risk from carrying man bags. But don’t worry. This kind of outrageous ‘carrying a bag’ behaviour needs to be nipped in the bud right now. Perhaps it’s drilled into us at an early age. I suggest we all write to the Daily Mail to complain that we start by banning children from watching Mary Poppins. How on Earth we can let our children see someone passing off carrying a bag with as much content as hers, it will make us lose sleep at night – and we don’t want them to get started on sleep deprivation
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FreeSat/Freeview/Freeheadache
I’ve just spent the last 45 minutes, trying to find out why I can’t get ALL the freeview channels on my old digibox. I shouldn’t have bothered trying to find out. I discovered that the ‘new’ viewing card that was posted to me yesterday was cancelled as they posted it. Also, if I want to watch all the freeview channels then I need a Freesat card. It costs £25 which doesn’t seem free to me. Oh, also, it still doesn’t mean you’ll get all the freeview channels. You can only get those with your aerial. Makes you wonder how they get any customers at all. Of course it didn’t really take 45 minutes to be told any of this. Most of that time was spent being passed between customer services and technical support and being put on hold and ultimately, being hung up on as well. So thank you BSkyB for being a waste of space for me this morning. I’ve used up all of my Freetime in the process
